


A Kiss to Kill the Pain (ushiten)

by G0DDESSWRATH



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bullying, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Oblivious Ushijima Wakatoshi, Protective Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori Needs a Hug, Tendou Satori-centric, sad tendou satori
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:27:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27863022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/G0DDESSWRATH/pseuds/G0DDESSWRATH
Summary: tw: descriptions of panic attacks, self-harmcw: cussing, bullying...“I’m so sorry,” panic hit. Why was he here?...
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 169





	1. Pâro

**Author's Note:**

> does this slowly get worse? yes. Please read the warnings in the summary.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He convulsed and fell to his knees as his chest began to ache; the sounds of crying echoed off the walls. The redhead sobbed so hard that he gagged.

The third-year raced to the gym, his only safe haven. No one would be there. He could let it out. He just had to keep his composure until he got there. Now he was sprinting. Just keep it together. That wouldn’t be too hard. So, that was a lie. The tears were streaming down his face before he even reached the doors. The redhead shoved the volleyball gym doors open, flinching when the doors slammed behind him. 

His sadness hit so hard that he didn’t even look inside the gym. He convulsed and fell to his knees as his chest began to ache; the sounds of crying echoed off the walls. The redhead sobbed so hard that he gagged. The emotions finally caught up to him. He’d been holding back for weeks, but the torment only got worse. His head was throbbing; thoughts racing as he tried to calm himself down. 

After what felt like decades, the boy sat up. He was still shaking, but he was out of tears. As the middle blocker stood, he noticed a familiar face. Frozen with wide eyes was a certain green-haired captain. As the slightly shorter boy stood up all the way, the captain dropped the ball he was holding. Ushijima walked towards Tendou.

“I’m so sorry,” panic hit. Why was he here?

Ushijima placed his hand on Tendou’s shoulder, making the boy flinch again. Tendou could see the taller boy talking, but he couldn’t hear it. His head spun as his lungs burned. He felt as if the oxygen was being ripped from his chest. Oh no, he was dying. Tendou couldn’t move; he closed his eyes. Muffled shouting filled his ears.

“-eathe! Satori, breathe! Why aren’t you breathing?” Ushijima’s voice sounded like he was in another room.

Suddenly, Tendou’s back felt cold. He was leaning against something hard? No, he wasn’t upright anymore. The last of his air was forced out as he fell. Where was Ushijima? Tendou pried his eyes open as he gasped for air. The captain was breathing. All Tendou had to do was breathe like Ushijima. In, out. Repeat. In, out. Keep going. In, out. Good.

The realization hit like a bus. Tendou just had a breakdown in front of his captain. Just thinking about it, almost made Tendou start panicking. 

“Tendou,” Ushijima started, “I’m not sure what just happened. Are you… feeling okay now?”

No, no he definitely wasn’t feeling okay. Tendou just wanted to go to bed, or die. Maybe both.

“Yes. I’m going now, Ushijima. Thanks for, uh, staying.” As soon as Tendou tried to stand, the taller male grabbed his shirt. 

“I gave you a chance to tell the truth. Tell me what happened, or I will inform coach about this.” Ushijima’s tone changed. He wasn’t as monotonous as usual, but Tendou couldn’t tell what that hint of emotion was.

“I need to get my stuff. I left my bag in my classroom. Please, let go of me.” 

“Fine. I’ll come with you. Lunch is ending soon. You will tell me after practice.” Tendou nodded. He had no other choice. The pair shared a dorm, so Tendou couldn’t avoid the other. Plus, the coach would probably kick him off the team.

Ushijima, the most popular person at Shiratorizawa, couldn’t alleviate the torment.

“Aw! The volleyball freak and his bodyguard.” Then, giggling. Okay, that wasn’t too bad. He could handle that.

As they walked towards Tendou’s class, the insults got worse and worse. Ushijima tightened his grip on the redhead’s shirt. Tendou was so embarrassed. He bit his lip and watched his feet.

“Why didn’t you tell me,” the captain questioned. He spoke so quietly, Tendou didn’t even know if he was meant to hear it. 

“I thought you knew.” Everyone else on the team knew. Goshiki had confronted Tendou weeks ago. 

When the pair reached Tendou’s class, his stuff was scattered all over the floor. The older male froze. Why did he let Ushijima come? This happens every time he leaves his classes. Now, Tendou’s closest friend was going to watch as he picked up his stuff from the floor. How humiliating. 

Before Tendou could even step into the classroom, Ushijima was on his way to pick up Tendou’s bag. The taller boy then reached down and grabbed all of the shorter boy’s scattered belongings. 

“Ushiwaka, you don’t have-”

“I’m already doing it.” Scary. When the captain used his stern voice, there was no arguing with him. 

The bell rang before Tendou could get a “thanks” out. Lunch was finally over. He had all his classes in the morning. The rest of the volleyball team did, too. Coach made their schedules so they could all practice after lunch. 

Ushijima rose with the middle blocker’s bag and stalked out the door. He looked pissed, and the younger male never shows emotion. Tendou warily followed his friend. When someone snicked, something unbelievable happened. Ushijima Wakatoshi snapped. 

“How fucking pathetic. Is it not embarrassing that you have to push your insecurities on others? You despise yourself so much that you degrade people, and you aren’t ashame-”

“Ushiwaka, stop. Please. Thank you for trying, but you’re just gonna make it worse.” Tendou whispered that last sentence. He tried to calm Ushijima down with a small reassuring smile.

The pair continued walking back towards the gym. The walk was about five minutes, and Tendou smiled the whole way. Even when someone called him the f-slur. He kept smiling as people made fun of his smile. The redhead only lost his smile when he stepped into the gym with Ushiwaka. Coach Washijo was yelling about a practice match after school.

Students were allowed to watch practice matches at Shiratorizawa. There was enough room in the bleachers, and the cheering distracted the other teams. At his last practice match, when Tendou scored, he could hear people shouting “monster” while others cheered “Tendou.”

“Coach,” Tendou started. “I don’t know if I can play tod-”

“We shouldn’t let students watch our practice matches. It is distracting.” Ushijima cut him off. He was still pissed. Luckily, coach always agreed with everything Ushiwaka said. Washijo was probably scared to lose his ace. 

The coach nodded and yelled for practice to start. Tendou walked to the locker room and waited for everyone else to leave first. Then, he changed into his usual long-sleeved shirt and volleyball shorts. He didn’t realize the green-haired male was waiting behind him. Pâro. It's the feeling when you can't do anything right, and it's the only thing Tendou could feel. 


	2. Opia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was leaning dangerously forward, but he couldn’t search for balance. Then his eyes met green ones as his face hit the pavement.  
> Opia (n)  
> the ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please read the warnings! I hope you enjoy. Sorry, it took so long-  
> this chapter wasn't fully proofread...oops

As soon as Tendou closed his locker, he turned around and paled. That green-eyed captain was the first out of the locker room. He must’ve come back to grab something? No, he had Tendou’s bag. Why was he watching?

“Tend-”

“N-no. We only have two hours to practice before our practice game. Excuse me.” Of course, trying to push past The Ushiwaka wasn’t very smart. 

“I’ve changed my mind. I’m not waiting until practice is over. You won’t be playing anyway. I’m telling the coach about your injuries.” A pause. A very awkward pause. “We’ve established your mistreatment. That can’t be all,” Ushijima prompted. That hint of emotion was back in his voice. Maybe it was pity. No, wait- injuries?

“They’re scars, Ushi-” He hissed when his wrist was suddenly grabbed. Stinging. “Stop it! Ushijima, that hurts!” Oh crap. The middle blocker was yelling. Embarrassing. He successfully shoved the other male and stormed out of the locker room. All eyes followed him as he walked out of the gym. No one even called out. Why would they? 

On his aimless walk, Tendou reflected on his relationship with the green-haired male. They weren’t very close to each other. Well, neither of them were close to anyone, but at least the team liked Ushijima. Tendou was tolerated. Ushijima, Semi, Goshiki, and Ohira were the only ones that even talked to him. ~~_ He was definitely closest to the captain, though. _ ~~

The sound of shoes hitting the pavement followed him. Then, giggling. Not again. Tendou tried to quicken his pace until he noticed people walking towards him. He was being herded. He hadn’t made it very far from the gym, so maybe he could turn back, or not. This was what pushed him over the edge earlier. He knew this was going to happen. Before lunch, the group cornered him and threatened him. They were probably waiting for the practice math to end. He tried to breathe.

There was a hand pulling his shoulder, and then he was facing the gym. Two more hands were grabbing at his hair, yanking. His vision blurred, eyes welling up with tears from the sting. Then there was a fist. The hands in his hair kept him upright as the punch landed. Pain. His thoughts slurred, eyes frantically searching for...he didn’t know. He knew it hurt. So, he stopped feeling. Slowly all emotions evaded him, and he went limp. Numb. The noise around him went unheard as he lazily opened his eyes. Everything slowed. He was leaning dangerously forward, but he couldn’t search for balance. Then his eyes met green ones as his face hit the pavement. Opia. 

More footsteps sounded towards him. Instinctively, Tendou put his arms over his head to protect himself. He heard Ushijima whisper apologies in his ear, and he let himself slip. Gone was the comfortable numbing. The self anesthetic evaporated. Ushijima was here, and it hurt. His stomach hurt, his face hurt,  _ hurt, hurt, hurt! _

“Make it stop, Wakatoshi!” 

“Where does it hurt, Satori? I’ll make it stop,” a promise. “Please talk to me.”

When Tendou didn’t answer, Ushijima picked him up, bridal style. As he was being carried away, Tendou told the other male everything. How he was outed as gay, and his classmates started bullying him. How today they threatened to hurt him after school. How cutting helped him feel something when he was numb. He told Ushijima everything, and Ushijima listened. 

Once the pair arrived at their dorm, Ushijima spoke again. He muttered sweet nothings in Tendou’s ear and brushed the hair out of the shorter boy’s face. He sat Tendou down on the couch and did something even more unbelievable than last time. He kissed him. Not on the lips or anything, but he peppered Tendou’s quickly bruising face with gentle pecks. The redhead was now red-faced. This was beyond shocking. But of course, Ushijima spoiled the moment.

“I overheard something your classmates said, and I want to know if it’s true.” Tendou was going to explode. He did NOT want to think about that. Ever.

“Um, w-what did they say?” Great. Why did he have to sound so pathetic?

“You have a crush on me, am I right?” With that, Ushijima planted one last kiss on Tendou’s lips. 


End file.
